Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider good for kids?

I washed my hands and the little spider, with nothing to cling to, slipped down the drain.  I found myself singing about the Itsy Bitsy Spider ...went up the water spout... while I watched this happen I secretly smiled in delight that the poor spider was meeting with an unfortunate set of circumstances...down came the rain and washed the spider out...Mwahahaha!!  However, despite marveling at my own evilness, the song made me wonder what we are teaching our kids. Unrelenting persistence. Yes that's great. Get back up again after you fall down.  Fantastic. But are we not also inadvertently teaching children NOT to learn from their own mistakes when telling them the spider goes back up the exact same spout?  Every child knows that rain happens regularly and that that spider is highly likely to meet the same demise and consequence in the future...we teach them that with "Rain Rain Go Away, Come Again Another Day".  ...out came the sun and dried up all the rain...  An old Chinese Proverb tells us if we fall down 7 times to get up 8...It is also said that lessons will be repeated until learned... Is the spider simply facing the spout with sheer determination or  is it just a little slow on the uptake?   Was the spout placed there by some divine intervention to deliberately give it a challenge to overcome?  Maybe once it fully completes the uphill battle of the spout it will be a better spider because of it? Maybe.  For gits and shiggles, let's change the last line of the song so that the spider does in fact learn from its own mistakes, takes a different path but still continues its persistence with "goes up the wall instead".  Would that thereby be allowing it to take the easy way out or is it teaching children to try something different if the first way didn't work out?  Hmm...that's a tough one.  Maybe its ok if the new route of the wall comes with its own challenges...Not sure...what I am sure of is that each and every one of you will have that little song stuck in your head for the remainder of the day. Mwahahahaha!!

How to Talk to Little Kids

I came to Starbucks today to write about my morning.  Instead I was presented with two adorable sets of young children to observe at the table opposite mine and so I am writing about them instead. 

The first set was two little girls…maybe about 5 and 7.  They had the reddest of hair and were wearing cute little sundresses under long raincoats and bows in their hair.  They sat with their mother and uncle and had American Girl books in hand.  It seemed the uncle hadn’t seen the girls in a while and proceeded in to interact with them on their level.  It was absolutely enchanting to watch.  He said things like “Do you remember me?  My name is ‘Uncle Victoria’ or ‘Uncle Pickle Pie’ or ‘Aunt Robert’.  The girls howled with laughter and it fueled his passion and their interaction.  He asked them open ended questions like “where is the train going” upon hearing the familiar toot of the “choo-choo”, as he called it.  His eyes were bright and he leaned forward to hear their answer of “maybe to China!”  Clearly he was genuinely interested in what they had to say.  He responded to their answers with glee, inviting them to talk and share and be themselves.   It appeared that Mom wanted them to be quiet so she could read her book and couldn’t care less about this uncle-niece conversation.  They weren’t noisy but they were anything but quiet…as well they should be when reuniting with an uncle. 

The other set of children came right on the heels of the girls vacating their table.  They were two little boys who appeared to be twins with a set of dads in tow.  I was secretly hoping for gay dads with adopted kids but it turns out the dads were brothers and boys nearly identical cousins.  A police car pulled in…a regular at Starbucks.  The boys were THRILLED to see the car and stood up on their chairs to get a better look.  When the officer came out with cup in hand he asked the boys if they would like to see the lights.  The look of pure excitement on their little faces was absolutely priceless as they watched the spinning blue lights come on and the car pull out of the lot.  Both dads and I turned our heads between watching the car and watching the boys watching the car.  We made eye contact as we shared in the unspoken knowledge that we had just witnessed a childhood moment not lost.  One boy came over and with a little prompting from dad, asked if he could pet the dogs.  I said he could as long as he was gentle and he told me he would be.  He then surprised me when he smartly informed me that you have to let a dog smell you first.  I guess he is a seasoned dog-petter.

Thus began a delightful conversation with this tiny young man.  I asked him his name and I guessed correctly that he was 4.  I also guessed that his cousin, who never did come over despite the older one’s efforts, was only 3.  He literally bounced up and down at my magically correct guesses and nodded his head in excitement.  He then proceeded to tell me that after his cousin is done being 3, he will be 3 and a half!  He then told me that he is almost 4 and a half and that he would then turn 5, and then 5 and a half and then 6 and then 7 and 8 and 9 and 10 and 11.  He stopped at eleven and said that he would then be really big!  I wondered if he just didn’t know what came after eleven.   I asked him how big he would be and he put his little arm up as high as he could reach.  “THIS BIG” he said with a huge smile and wide eyes.  We talked and he continued to pet the dogs and bounce intermittently.  I asked him questions and reflected his answers so he knew I was listening.  We wound up talking so long that his dad realized I may be bothered and called him back.  I wanted to tell him that I was gathering material but I kept that to myself.  Funny how incessant talking from a random adult can bug me to no end but the same behavior from a little kid, is welcomed.  Back at his table, the two boys took up a game of running in tight circles and yelling as loud as they could…eventually inciting both dads to pull the plug on their inventiveness.  I just smiled and reveled in the whole interaction.  Just before they left, the boy came back for one last pet. He thanked me for letting me pet the dog and I thanked him for the inspiration.  :)

How to talk to little kids?  Show excitement. Let your eyes sparkle. Ask open ended questions. Get on their level and ask them about their interests. Delight in their answers. Talk about ridiculous and impossible things.  Make up stories together.  Laugh.  Smile.  Be silly.  Whoever said that children should be seen and not heard?  Phooey on them...get 'em talkin'!  

An Evening Well Spent

The dogs needed a walk and I suppose I did too.  I had been up til 4am with insomnia the night before and so I had been lounging around the house all day and had just let them out for quick potty breaks...but still they were asking to go for a walk.  “Okay, okay, okay… fine.  Let’s go.”  Since having overcome the inertia to get up and take the walk, I figured we might as well stay up and go somewhere.   After the dogs finished their business we headed down the mountain to the playground at Montreat…my new favorite place.  I go there to build cairns, my latest Inner Child-driven activity, but also to soak in the cold mountain water my still swollen injured-but-slowly-healing ankle.  I also find that it is a very meditative and therapeutic thing to do.  I found a good spot away from most of the people that were still lingering in the park after 6pm and hitched the dogs to a tree.  No time was wasted in climbing down the bank and into the creek.  Within minutes I had one, two, three cairns built.  The fourth one I struggled with a bit as the flat rock I was working with didn’t want to cooperate.  Finally, I managed to just barely balance said flat rock onto the point of a pyramid shaped rock, when a smallish stone jumped from my grip and flung itself directly onto the flat balanced one…bumping it off?.  Nope, the darn thing stuck like a magnet!  It didn’t wiggle and it never fell.  I couldn’t believe it!  My eyes practically popped out of my head and I let out a “WHOOP!” and immediately took a picture in case it didn’t last.  I swear sometimes these rocks really do have a mind of their own.  Or maybe some sort of Rock Faerie was hanging out lending assistance?  I bet that’s it.  

The Rock Faerie-Assisted Cairn with the stone that
jumped out of my hand and landed right on top

Whatever it was, willful rocks or rock faeries, I wanted more challenge, and so I thought I would give them a run for their money.  A large, triangle shaped rock presented itself to me and I stood it up on its point rather than its heavier, and easier, flat base.  Even after managing to get it to stay put, it took several tries to add more on top…but finally, Sweet Success!  Two more balanced on top and it’s done.

Precariously stacked

I was definitely proud of both of those two and very invested in their shelf life so I was a little apprehensive when right then two boys came over and struck up a conversation. 

Boys: “Did you make those?”

Me: “I did.”

Boys: “Whoa, that’s cool!  How did you do that?”

Me: “Well, have you ever played with blocks?”

Boys: “Yeah, but…”

Me: “Well its just like that only instead of playing with blocks, you play with rocks…and you just stack ‘em up.”

Boys: “Whoa…that looks hard.”

Me: “It is sometimes, but that’s why it’s fun. Try it!”

And they did, only I didn’t mean right here, right next to me…On the same set of base rocks I am using…I meant…ya know…OVER THERE! It’s a big creek ya know!!  I held my breath and bit my tongue and managed to keep my thoughts to myself...instead putting on the encouraging teacher face.

One boy wasn't at all interested and busied himself splashing about but the other boy took up residence inches from the cairn I built with the Rock Faerie’s help.  He bent over his work and his hair and his breath brushed my work.  My heart skipped.  I was certain he would clumsily knock it over and my vision of a whole field of cairns would be ruined. 

Boy: “Do you work here?”  He meant the Montreat Conference Center.

Me: “Nope.  I just play here, just like you.”  A big smile slowly took over his face while he comprehended that a grown-up was playing just to play.  The potential for him wreaking havoc had me a little bugged, but he finished his cairn, stood up proudly and romped off with the other boy.  Whew!  

The first child-built cairn inches from my Rock Faerie-assisted cairn

I was relieved that they came and went and left no destruction in their wake…I was pleasantly surprised and I knew my attitude needed an adjustment. I reminded myself that it’s just a pile of rocks and you already got the photos and it’s really no big deal.  Let it go…getting kids involved is a good thing...that’s what you want!  It is what I want, but sometimes my Overgrown 10 Year Old tendencies get the better of me and get in the way of rational thinking.  I continued working and more and more cairns came to be.   The more I worked, the more children came to be as well… It started with 3, and then 4 including the original two, back for more. 

Kids: “I like your castles.  How do you do that?  Why do you do that?  I wanna try that.  Can I try that?  How do you do it?  I wanna try that.  Is it hard?  It looks hard.  I can’t do that.  Can you show me how to do that?  Are they castles?  Can I help?  I wanna try.  Can I do it too?”  I heard from four kids all at once.

Again I said, “It’s just like stacking up blocks…Try it.  Just be careful…don’t knock the other ones down!”

I gave them no instruction, just lead by example.  In my own little world, I continued to focus on my work and take pictures…attitude fully adjusted. 

A little while later I stopped to take a minute to look around.  I was totally astounded!  A whole gaggle of children had come to play with me...no less than nine kids had gotten busy building.  If I had to guess, I would say they ranged in age from 6 to 14. Cairns were popping up all over the place and despite the huge presence of wiggly little bodies haphazardly walking between my precariously built cairns, not a single one was knocked over.  Not one. 

I was completely dumbfounded.  Not only had the number of kids shot up to epic cairn-building proportions but there were several parents looking on and one parent had actually joined in on the fun. She told me later that she had been watching me try to balance a rock on its edge and couldn’t fathom how I would get it to stay there and when I did, she knew she had to get in and try it too.  Yay!!  At this point my heart was exploding with delight as I stood back and watched the scene unfold.  Kids were building all over the place.  They were helping each other and encouraging each other and laughing together when their work would fall.  They helped each other rebuild.  Everyone was so focused and they were enjoying themselves so much that I couldn’t help but shake my head and smile in amazement.

 

The oldest girl of the bunch had built a tall cairn with large rocks.  I was so completely impressed with her determination to rebuild after her beautiful cairn repeatedly fell.  The countdown was on though…it was almost time for them to leave.  “I must finish it!” she belted out.  It fell again.  One last go at it and with the clock ticking…wouldn’t you know…the Force was strong in her just then because every rock held on tight.  Despite our suggestions not to push the envelope, push it she did with two small rocks to the top and she came out victorious.  The beaming look of pride and accomplishment on that girl’s face was enough to carry me through to next month!

It turns out the kids were from a local children’s home and the parent I had struck up a conversation with was their House Parent.  They were there celebrating the 8^th birthday of one of the kids with a late evening trip to the park.  Looking at how the whole interaction happened and how both of us had arrived late, I can’t help but think we were somehow guided to be there and that we will each leave a lasting mark on the other.  The House Parent commented to me that she won’t be able to get in a creek ever again without playing with the rocks.  That is the best thing I have heard all week!  Earlier, she had also said in a loud exclamation, that I had inspired the whole lot of them, but the truth is, they’re the ones that inspired me…and that field full of cairns is exactly what I got.  That and a warm fuzzy feeling. :)