First on the list is mushrooms. Mushrooms are horrid things and should never be consumed. The only time they may be eaten is if they have been obliterated of any resemblance to their original form such as in mushroom broth or cream of mushroom soup. That’s it. People who pile mushrooms on food or eat a mushroom sandwich are crazy.
Second on the list is unmelted cheese. This should also never be eaten. Ever! It should never be eaten by itself, never on a cracker, and certainly never on a sandwich. The only time cheese should be consumed is if it has the opportunity to melt, such as in chili, a burrito, pizza or a grilled cheese sandwich…a taco as well but only if placed next to the beef or chicken and not on top of cold lettuce where it won’t melt. That’s it. Other cheeses that don’t make the Eat It List are feta, cottage, brie, blue, pimento and all the ones I don’t even know about. Cream cheese is tolerable if spread very thin. Cheese cake, no thanks. Acceptable cheeses are cheddar, mozzarella, parmesan, Swiss, American. That’s about it.
Mayonnaise is another one…If the sandwich is grilled, cheese can be applied and so no mayonnaise is necessary…mayo only on a cold sandwich and never on a burger. It’s ok in small quantities such as chicken salad or on a cold sandwich. Potato salad, macaroni salad or coleslaw is a big fat no. Tuna is ok to have a little mayonnaise but not too much to where it gets soupy. Tuna is best served with raisins mixed in it…nothing else, but it’s ok if it doesn’t. No apples, no nuts, no onions.
Eggs, that’s another biggie. Scrambled only. No sunny-side up. No over easy. No hard or soft boiled. No deviled eggs. No chunks either…no onions or peppers or ham…just scrambled eggs…adding cheese is ok since it will melt. Of course eggs are fine to put in a cake or something.
Then there are the tomatoes. Tomatoes have strict rules. Ketchup is ok, spaghetti sauce is ok, chopped small and stewed for chili is ok. Salsa is NOT ok. Raw is not ok. Yuck. Tomato soup is a maybe and only as a last resort IF there are crackers or a grilled cheese sandwich accompaniment.
Most salad dressing is out…creamy Caesar or ranch are about the only acceptable dressings. Salad should be eaten naked otherwise. No oil, no vinegar, no balsamic. Yuck.
Onions should always be sautéed and should never be eaten raw. Period.
Sour cream is ok if it’s used in cooking or in chili that’s too hot. Sour cream should never be topped onto a burrito for no reason.
Ham is ok if it is cooked…cold cut ham is a big fat no.
I probably missed some things but most everything else that I won’t eat is simply on the No List…few or no rules required, just a straight up no. Oysters and mussels, no. Tapioca, corned beef, artichokes, no. Carrot cake, rice pudding, bread pudding, asparagus, brussel sprouts, no, no, no! Pizza with too much stuff on it is debatable…plain cheese is best but I can sometimes tolerate chicken and broccoli, anchovies and sardines are out. Cilantro, sauerkraut, green chilies, olives, liver, turnips, radishes, definitely not. Licorice (red licorice is not licorice at all, but strawberry or cherry), black eyed peas, buttermilk unless it’s in pancakes or other cooking, lima beans, creamed corn, cooked spinach, dill pickles, pickle relish, no, no, no, NO! Of course this is not an exhausted list. Most foreign foods, chilled food, things that are slimy or have weird textures, things that smell weird, anything hot and spicy, anything that looks yucky, things I have never heard of before, and anything I can’t identify like at a potluck are all out. Other than that, I will eat just about anything! The other thing is that I am much better than I used to be. Things I wouldn’t eat before that I will eat now even if on a limited basis: avocados, hummus, black beans, refried beans, ranch dressing, cream cheese, alfredo sauce, pesto sauce, sushi…lot’s of things. See, I am much better!!
And you may think all this is weird…but you haven’t met my sister. Now she is a freak! She won’t let her food touch!
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