Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Anatomy of a Morning

Beep beep beep beep…there is a noise coming from the cockpit of the plane.  Beep beep beep beep.  As the pilot, it’s my job to find the source and fix the problem.  Beep beep beep beep.  It must be engine trouble.  The sound gets louder, we’re rapidly descending…  I frantically fidget with buttons and dials and levers and switches, to no avail.  “MAY DAY! MAY DAY! WE’RE GOING DOWN!!!”, I scream! 
The adrenaline pumping hard!  Beep beep BEEP BEEP, louder still the noise gets.  I can see the ripples in the water and the shells on the beach as the ground approaches.  I try with all my might to pull up……pull up! Pull Up!  PULL UP!!  DAMMIT…why won’t you pull up?!!   BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!
I come to.  The plane doesn’t crash but instead I roll over and clumsily bat my hand against my phone finally having realized what that awful noise was…It finally stops, if only momentarily.  My brain takes in the reality of the situation.  It is 7:00 and I have to be somewhere at 9.  There are several things that need to happen in the next 2 hours…I need to get up and shower, brush my teeth, feed the dogs, potty the dogs, feed myself, go down to the basement and get clean clothes out of the dryer.  I also like to journal for 20 minutes in the morning before I do anything else.  There is also a 30 minute drive to contend with.
I snooze the alarm and roll back over.  Five minutes later I am startled again…beep beep beep beep.  , Damn noise.  Do I really have to get up?  What do I have to do again?  Taking stock…Journal, shower, teeth, laundry, feed dogs, feed myself, bathroom for myself and the dogs, drive.  Beep beep beep beep.  Another five minutes lost.  Grrroooaaaaannnnn.  I am far too old to stay up so late.

Before I know it 20 minutes are gone, then 30 then 45.  At this point I start to prioritize my morning list of crap to do.  Ok, what can I lose?  Journaling…absolutely.  Who needs that?  Not me.  Not today.  That’s the first thing to go.  What else? Breakfast…I certainly can get by until lunch.  Beep beep beep beep!  Crap!  I must’ve fallen back to sleep.  It’s now almost 8am.  Reevaluating…ok how dirty am I?  Do I really need that shower?  Let’s see here… I had one 2 days ago…I am not that dirty…and it’s not a take-off-my-clothes doctors appointment…so it’s all good.  I just saved myself at least 20 minutes and bought myself another 5 since, I am not showering, I no longer need clean clothes from the dryer.  Score!  8:10…still in bed.  Let’s see what else can go?  Brushing teeth can happen in the car.  Easy.  This is exactly why a toothbrush and paste is kept there.  My good friend Justin Case suggested that to me years ago and I am firmly convinced in the practice…everyone should do it.  That Justin, he is such a handy guy to have around!  He’s always so well prepared…  Ok, so all that’s left is going to the bathroom for myself and the dogs…yeah it’s kind of hard to skip that.  Luckily it doesn’t take long.  8:25am, roll out of bed.  Find the cleanest-dirty articles of clothing from the floor, clean undies from the drawer and race to the bathroom.  Fifteen-second baby wipe bath for the important anatomy places before getting dressed.  8:28am… totally on schedule.  Crap!  I forgot to feed the dogs.  But that’s ok, because I have food for both of them in the car!  Whew!  Grab keys, leash dogs, lock house, to the car as fast as my healing-but-still-somewhat-injured ankle will go, let the dogs pee.  
My trail run up to the car.
8:30, start van, drive away.  Right on time!!!  Drive half a mile down the road only to discover that I left my phone…CRAP!  I can’t function without it.  Turn around…drive the half mile back to the house.  Park, hobble down the trail, unlock the door…now where did I leave it?  
My trail run back to the cabin to get my phone
In the bathroom!  Of course!  8:36am, relock the door and run myself back up the trail to the van…the dogs are so confused and I am getting more exercise than I have had in a year!  8:38 and I am once again on my way, 8 minutes behind schedule.  That’s ok, they are never on time at the surgeon’s office anyway and the 30 minute drive time is generous to start with.  I brush my teeth while driving, it’s a talent and a skill!  I roll into Dr. Allen’s office at 9:03…Not bad!  My ever-so-punctual friend Justin Time would be so proud.


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